As I get older, the losses begin adding up. I was once invincible in my early 20s. Nothing could stop me. Being in danger really never crossed my mind. Now that I’m a mother, it’s all changing. One of my close friends burying her child the same age as mine was a real life changer this year. It doesn’t really matter how much time goes by, it’s so fresh. She asked me to photograph the visitation. They had not seen their daughter until this moment as she died at daycare. I was the first to see the body. Although this was almost a year ago, it feels like it was yesterday. Their faces, the weeping, that sweet baby girl, Haddie. It could’ve been my baby girl. I wonder every day why it wasn’t.
We are coming into the toddler years now. My sweet babe is going to be two years old in a couple of months. Sometimes the days seem so long! She is a night owl, so we are up until midnight. I survive on a lot of espresso. I thank my dear husband for the nespresso machine he got me for Christmas.:) On the most trying of days, when I’m praying for God to give me the stamina and patience I think of Haddie. I have to remind myself that these are the easiest days I will know. I know where my child is at all times. I can protect her. She wants to be in my hip pocket. My mind floods with fears and thoughts of her growing up. I think of every bad thing that could happen to her. I was talking with our neighbor lady about my anxiety of sending her to school. She is an older widow who raised a slew of kids. She said to me, “She’s God’s though you know. You have to trust Him with her life.” How true and how hard.
Because we absolutely LOVE the mud and dirt! Hunter Kids Boots are rocking our world this spring.
Because only in Michigan does it snow in the middle of April.:)
I might be slightly obsessed with Matilda Jane. The good news is, Isabella was loving this dress. She told me “It cute!” and did not want to take it off. Her every expanding vocabulary is impressing me every day. She has said “momma” for a LONG time, but she graduated to adding “mommy” into the mix now and if my husband is talking to me she calls me “Jamie”. What a stinker.
Possibly our last year wearing bubble rompers. I’m pretty obsessed with these too!